Evil of Expectation
When emotions & feelings are inside oneself, why does one look for a solution outside?
How expectations of others & expectations from others differ?
Three situations, what’s common amongst them?
Situation One:
It’s the third week of April. You are sitting tight in your office chair, waiting for your superior to come and deliver the letter to you. It’s the culmination of that annual ritual of appraisal, and feedback, followed by a promotion, salary hike, and bonus. This is the year when you are very hopeful. Sweat is streaming down your forehead.
You did everything this year as your boss (superior, corporate-demigod) suggested, slogged for over 14 hours a day (sometimes physically, sometimes virtually), and sometimes even worked through entire weekends. In addition, you have been nice to your peers. You planned every minute detail and expectations are high to get the promotion and move into the corner cabin with a good hike. Your boss comes, hands over the letter to you; shakes hands firmly, and leaves.
You open the letter. Your eyes can’t believe what is written on it……………..
Situation Two:
You are a successful businessman, connected with the who’s who of the city across professional lines. People know you as a dynamic human being who helps everyone. Last summer, your best friend needed some money in an emergency as his bank had refused to extend lines of credit at the last minute. You bailed him out. Your third cousin wanted some money to start a new venture and you helped the young boy with money and guidance.
Unfortunately, due to changes in regulation, unforeseen geopolitical climate, and pandemic, your business has gone down by 60–70% in the last 2 months. Debtors have refused to pay on time and suppliers are standing at your door for their money. Banks, as they always do, have raised their hands, refusing outright to help. Fortunately, you believe and expect that the friend you helped last year will come to your rescue.
You call him without informing the condition you are in and seek a meeting. He kindly agrees. You reach on time and give him a warm hug. He welcomes you and both of you start talking about life and business. After a few minutes of general discussion, you ask him for a bridge loan. He looks into your eyes and then puts his hands on his chin and looks away from your eyes. You continue to wait for an answer. He remains quiet. You talk more about what happened with you and how the change in policies, geo-political climate & pandemic impacted your business. He is still quiet.
You continue waiting. Five minutes after he says……………
Situation Three:
It’s 10.30 at night. You have come back after a 3-day exhausting business trip with not much success. You have the second key to the house and you enter the house tired and weary. You call out for your spouse. He/she doesn’t answer. You go into the bedroom where you see him / her engrossed in his / her excel sheets with the night lamp throwing light on his / her face. You are very hungry as you had your last meal almost 10 hours ago.
You hug him/her from behind, but he/she continues working. You keep your bags and head straight to the kitchen and start looking for food. You call him/her out to check if there is something you can eat or something he/she has cooked for you. You call him/her out again. But there’s no response. You again go to the bedroom hopeful, that s/he might not have heard your voice. You ask for food again. S/he turns looks at you, and gets back to work.
You go closer to her and ask him/her again. Finally s/he replies ……….
Three stories, one answer. Sorry. In other words, “NO”.
Humans are synonymous with Expectation. Being human means having a hope of reciprocity. Every action one undertakes, has an expectation riding on it.
The humor in this system of expectation is indifference to the counterparty.
In other words, it doesn’t matter whom one is expecting from. It can be family, like mother or father, son or daughter or it can be friends, business partners, acquaintances, or even strangers. If one helps a stranger find his / her path, one expects a gratification, a gesture, a verbal thank you, else one is cheesed off and the help seeker is labeled as being rude and impolite.
But life doesn’t work that way.
Expectations only increase fear and cortisol levels in the human body which creates stress, unhappiness, problems, subsequently poor health, and finally misery and depression.
Why Expectation is a Vice & Why Expectation is Evil?
The expectation is a feeling that looks outward, outside oneself. One is fully aware that feelings and emotions are within oneself and are driven by human hormones, the human brain, and heart functions. Yet one feels the need for others to meet one’s expectations and that makes oneself vulnerable.
More often than not when expectations are not met, it gives rise to negative emotions like anger, sadness, distrust, vengeance, self-pity, feeling of being used, frustration, etc. These feelings stay within oneself whilst the person who has let down moves on. It’s only the person who has expectations, that suffers.
There is never a situation where expectations are fully met. In life, no one can meet each expectation every time.
Once one meets someone’s expectations, the marginal utility of that expectation goes down, and hence the expectation which derives satisfaction moves to the next level. Every time an act is done, expectations move beyond the act and incremental needs arise. Thus a constant focus on expectation makes you dependent on others and reduces the functioning of the brain.
Moving away from Expectations and focusing on the Principle of Universal Boomerang can transform life.
It simply means that any actions one undertakes, literally any act through the day for any person known or unknown, without expectations from anyone apart from the Universe, One will get the same back in a much bigger quantum with higher force.
It’s applicable for good as well as for bad. It’s applicable for everything from material objects to feelings.
For example, if one helps others with money without expecting anything from them; money will flow with a higher force back to oneself.
One gives power to people who work with oneself or for oneself or under oneself, those people will give the same power back to a higher degree. They will allow one to rule not only their work but their lives as well. The principle of democracy is based on a similar concept.
On the other hand, if one is rude to one colleague, more rudeness will follow one’s way.
If one remains tight-fisted and keeps holding on to things, one will constantly be scrambling for everything in life.
In fact, in one of the shlokas of Ramayana, there is a mention of the four tenets of Dharma in Kali-Yuga and one of the most important ones is undertaking charity.
प्रगट चारि पद धर्म के कलि महुँ एक प्रधान।
जेन केन बिधि दीन्हें दान करइ कल्यान॥
Meaning: “Dharma has four basic tenets, one amongst which is the most important in the age of Kali-give in charity by whatever means possible.”
Thus Siddhartha Rastogi says,
“Not only good deeds but any deed one does, one should perform it without expectations, the Universe will give one back in abundance, whatever one has acted upon with noble intentions.”
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