Conflict, Denial, Destruction! Can it be anticipated & prevented?
Why do Winning teams fail?
What Causes Conflict?
What resolves Conflict?
What’s the Origin of Conflict? Why do small conflicts lead to complete Carnage? Why do winning teams, performing teams, intelligent teams fail?
Small Conflict? Non-resolution of small disagreements? Ego-tussles?
“None of us is as smart as all of us.”
These are the words of famous American author Kenneth Hartley Blanchard.
The most complex thing in the world, in business, in life is people.
People — their expectations, their choices, their decisions, their preferences.
The single biggest difference between winning & losing is not resources, is not technology, is not even connections; it boils down to the very foundation on which the organization, communities, countries are formed, its team, its people & its values.
A short fascinating story of a firm, which rose from ashes like a Phoenix to rule the US stock markets — Apple & its famous founder.
This is in May 1985, Apple’s CEO, John Sculley, proposed a plan to the board of directors to remove the founder Steve Jobs from his cherished Macintosh group and to put him in charge of New Product Development. Sculley and Jobs had challenging times working together, more specifically on the allocation of limited resources of Apple. Jobs obviously wanted to apportion more resources into the new Macintosh, while Sculley wanted to focus on the older but more successful Apple II. Jobs enraged with Sculley’s power tactics staged a coup to overthrow Sculley and overpower Apple. This epic power battle tormented Apple for many years and led to Jobs’ exit. Until Jobs’ arrival back in Apple with NEXT in 1996, Apple struggled & decayed slowly yet steadily.
Innumerable examples can be found in history where teams got fractured due to internal conflicts and could never recover from their lows & eventually perished.
Conclusively, what it all boils down to is Conflict, containment of conflict & conflict resolution.
Before we delve further into this space, let’s first understand what the meaning of Conflict is or how does one define conflict?
The dictionary defines Conflict as,
“an active disagreement between people with opposing opinions or principles”
Simplifying it further — Conflict exists when a person has a need or desire or expectation of another and the other need, desire, or expectation is not met — Conflict arises.
It can be as simple as acknowledging one’s efforts or awarding a reward or handing over a position in gratification.
Conflict emerges when need, desire, or expectations is not met. More often than not, the person does not even articulate the expectation and starts believing in an imaginary world that his or her need or desire shall be addressed.
In a Social climate of instant gratification where the planet is surrounded by Infosphere, (a layer of information surrounding oneself) people often miss or fail to see the need of others.
Before the communication begins between two parties, a protracted period of time gets lapsed where one lives in a false sense of hope, commonly known as denial.
Conflict arises on a diminutive issue and goes on to take the shape of full-fledged irreconcilable strife.
Let’s dig a few feet deeper in stages of conflict
Stage 1 — Denial — Everything is going to be ok. The other person or involved party is too busy. The other person would understand when the right time will come. These are some of the common voices which echo in the mind of the disputant or Conflictor (the one or the party who has issues & dissatisfaction or should I say expectations).
Stage 2 — Hint Dropping — Small talk followed by general issues with roundabout talk commonly referred to as circumlocution is the next phase of the conflict. The Conflictor initiates a conversation with the Conflictee (the one or the party against whom issues & dis-satisfaction exists or is enunciated) but fails to articulate the sum & substance of the Conflict.
Stage 3 — Open Communication — When one gets sick & tired of or when courage strikes or when all other options are exhausted, the conflictor approaches for an open & straight confabulation.
This Phase is of paramount importance as this stage ensures the future of the relationship, future of bonhomie & future of advancement of the organization which is dependent on both Conflictor & Conflictee affinity.
With an open mind & some adulation, Conflict is routinely resolved. The Conflictee ends up giving up what is insignificant & inconsequential in the grand scheme of things whilst the conflictor feels relieved & elated that his or her pursuits are provided for.
Stage 4 — Needs not met — This state gets tricky when the conflictor remains sticky with the appeal he or she has made and Conflictee has not accommodated the resolution due to limited power in hand or in some cases unwillingness to give up.
Conflictee in these cases buys time and pushes the can ahead on the road.
It may be amusing but hereon, the pain, the trauma, the acrimony which was residing till now in Conflictor’s mind gets rubbed onto Conflictee’s mind as well.
Both sides start engaging in acts of gossiping, withdrawing, backstabbing, shouting, getting angry, power-mongering, aggressive, etc. Different people behave differently. The mood swing spills over from the individual to others and the state of affairs is now visible to the larger congregation which forms part of meetings or routine confluences.
Longer this period, the worse it gets for the ones who are involved and those who are working with those who are in conflict.
Uncertainty, Distrust, Malice jumps multifold with other team members as well.
Stage 5 — Refusal & rebuttal — The Conflictee decides to articulate with clear perspective when the want, the desire, the need can’t be fulfilled at this point in time and in a circadian manner. Thus, the appeal or expectation is pushed forward on a prospective date with limited commitment.
This has two repercussions
a. This methodology helps Conflictee to test the virtues of conflictor & his commitment towards the team & organization. In some cases, Conflictee ends up giving up what was desired by Conflictor at a futuristic date. What is eventually relinquished may be of a lesser scale or in a lesser quantum.
b. The other possible scenario can be where general commitment is not met and pretexts like change in market conditions, change in competition or mere change in organizational goals are the rationales sighted to the conflictor.
This stage is fateful & decisive in the sense of the ball returning back in the court of Conflictor from where it all started.
Conflictor now has choices to make, options to evaluate & decision to undertake which will determine the future course, to stick, to act defensive, to take offensive or to quit & find a new playground or usually a renewed battlefield.
In Mahabharata, the epic tale of Kauravas & Pandavas, there were many instances where efforts were made to diffuse the antipathy between brothers. The first instance is, Dhritarashtra the father of Kauravas agreeing to give half the kingdom KhandavPrastha to Pandavas which was undeveloped and which only had forests, thus dousing the angst.
Another exemplification of this comes from the fact when Krishna offers Peace in return for only 5 independent villages for Pandavas & their side of the family, which eventually gets rejected by Kauravas.
Conscientious, Concrete & Complete Communication is a simple tool to avoid conflict on most occasions, however as Victor Hugo rightly puts it
“No force on earth can stop an idea whose time has come”
Siddhartha Rastogi says,
“The intent, the motivation, the deep-rooted thought behind the conflict resolution is far more conspicuous than mere posturing.”
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