Being Fearful
Why 80% of daily thoughts have fear of some form?
What primary emotions are driving your actions?
Are you facing your fears?
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Words of Nicocolo Machiavelli, the infamous or in modern context the famous father of modern political philosophy and political science. The man who believed that Politics have no relations to morals or the man who made the saying famous “means to an end”, or whatever it takes to achieve & gain power and prowess.
Present day humans whether preys or predators both have taken the statement of Machiavelli, seriously.
The prey fears of his or her death whilst the predator fears of losing out on prey. The fear is present and remains imminent in the minds of both.
Human life currently thrives on fear. Fear exists from birth till death, fear of missing out, fear of losing out on opportunity cost, fear of not being accepted- innumerable quandaries. The mind is under constant dilemma and thus under constant fear. If one pursues, one fears the result and if one does not pursue one fears of not pursuing. If one wins after pursuing, one fears of losing what one has gained and if one fails one thinks about the other option which one didn’t pursue.
When a child takes birth, seeing new faces beyond mother or going in an unknown environment, the child’s mind gets filled with fear and the child expresses it by crying. The adult witnessing this act of child’s cries (apart from parents or immediate family) fears as to what has gone wrong with the infant.
The child progresses, joins a school or an educational establishment and studies hard, fearing peers, teachers and parents to score well. The teachers and parents fear as well of their reputation and for the child’s ability to absorb or mug and reproduce, thus continuing their pressure on the child.
Next phase of life, youth. The youth after studying hard eventually moves to succeeding destination sweating to deliver targets (in job or in business) under the fear and pressure of the superior or senior or investor and senior (the one who is controlling the strings) continues to pressurize the junior (the puppet) fearing his own growth. Above both the string holder (who is also a puppet at another level) and the puppet - the mighty one, who is at the helm of affairs in the business is also fearful either of the board or of its shareholders or other stakeholders. The cycle of fear continues and remains endless.
The earlier studies (past ones) have suggested that a human being (irrespective of man or woman) receives on an average 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts every day. A recent study conducted during lockdown in Canada concluded that only 6200 to 6500 thoughts come to the human brain every day. Irrespective of who is right or wrong, one thing which remains common across both the studies is that most of the thoughts are repetitive and nearly 80% of the thoughts are negative.
It’s remarkable that the human race wishes to grow, every human life craves for a better tomorrow, whether in terms of peace, whether in terms of progress, whether in terms of power or in monetary prowess, however the base from which one operates is negative.
10,000 - 15000 years ago when humans originated on this planet, fear came along as the Primacy Feature or Primacy effect, which means the tendency to recall information presented at the start of a list better than information at the middle or end.
This was a great tool for survival back then, when the probability of Survival was low against the uncertainty of environment, unpredictability of next meal, insecurity of roof or house getting collapsed by a strong wind or heavy showers, unknown climate conditions, unheard illnesses and dispersed people with limited communication.
The above conditions have changed in the last 350 years since the time of industrial revolution. The security and safety of house, communication with near and dear ones, predictability of next meal, detection of illness and security against wild animals (who now fear humans and are fighting for their survival – pun intended to highlight reduced number of tigers and wild boars) all are nearly a given hygiene factor for ~ every human life.
The hard fact still remains, that body grows, mind learns, consciousness improves but fear stays.
80% of the crimes, 80% of ailments, 80% of actions happen on account of fear, rightfully so, as the 80% of daily thoughts are engulfed with fear.
Before we move forward, let’s revisit some basics – there are only two primary emotions or energy in motion (e – motion). Fear and Love. Every other emotion which humans experience is a subset of these two emotions. Interestingly if there are only two emotions (if computed on a large scale) the probability should be 50% for both emotions to be displayed by humans, however it’s always skewed in favor of fear. The reason is obvious as mentioned earlier Survival.
However in the present world the question of survival is dated and gone. So what are other fears which one commonly experiences? (These ones were experienced in the past as well.)
Type 1- Losing what you presently have.
Whether people (near & dear ones), wealth, money, possessions, status, power, name, fame, importance practically everything.
This was relevant 10,000 years ago, when there was no certainty of getting the next meal and there was no methodology of preserving for tomorrow what was plucked or hunted. Hence fear of losing was pertinent. But in the contemporary world, when one has everything and enough for survival for life and for offspring, still nothing is enough. It’s limitless hunger, which brings fear.
Type 2 - Acceptance or in simpler terms getting along – harmonious relations – being accepted and being part of the clan.
10,000 years ago, it was essential to be part of a clan, as being part of a clan ensure one’s safety & survival in the event of an attack from a large wild animal or in dire need to look after offspring when one is out collecting food or hunting.
In the present day, the stress or fear remains embedded in one’s mind whether one will get accepted and whether one will gel well in social structure. This holds well, whether one is looking for acceptance within the family, amongst friends or amidst peers within the organization.
The funny part in this whole thing is that this situation is almost ironic. We humans wish deep inside to be different, to be spotted as unique (fashion clothing, makeup, hairstyle, shoes, accessories, cars etc. only to present uniqueness) and to be treated as exclusive, special yet we fear and despise people who are different from us.
This is one of the single biggest reasons, why in any society, even in most modern western societies, the specially abled, the differently abled, the LGBT, the special features ones, the different skin colored ones, the one with different language - accent, with different dialect are treated and perceived as different with limited acceptance and are treated with hostility.
It’s misanthropic to imagine, that deep innate feeling of being like someone (Someone who is unique, different from others) propels one to despise someone who is really unique.
It’s the fear that doesn’t allow people to be happy, to be content, to be satiated, despite getting or achieving what one has desired. It is the single biggest reason why most people are not successful and those who are successful are more often not happy.
In a typical stock market analogy, People who made money, have fear of losing it if they don’t exit (what if market falls). People who exit, have fear of missing out on upside. People who don’t invest in stock markets get jealous (primary emotion – fear) of others who make money in markets and they get left out. Thus in any state, one experiences fear.
Even when one prays, one has fear of things not going right and hence one prays to almighty to ensure things get on the right track and if they are on the right track, they should continue to be so.
Enough said about fear.
How to work upon Fear?
3 rule formula – The FPC rule
Focus on Fear
When one is experiencing fear, focus on the root cause, from where it is emanating. Is it transient or permanent, is it just mental or real and is it controllable or uncontrollable (the root cause of fear). Distinguish between what is controllable and uncontrollable. Once this distinction is clear, fear evaporates as you can act on things which are uncontrollable and one can build inner strength to face what is uncontrollable.
For example knowledge, strength, physique, skills, combat art etc one can build and change the outcome, however the uncontrollable like situation in Afghanistan for which one can be fearful but can’t do much, should build inner strength to accept and move on. If one believes otherwise and thinks one can make a difference then one should act.
Practice
Easier said than done. Practice and practice constantly to face the fear and take action on things and situations on which one can act upon. First few times, one will fail and may fail badly and will succumb. But as one pursues, one will overcome fear. Practice is a simple act which builds the mental muscle against fear and especially the cases of Type 2 mentioned above.
Collaborate and Give back selflessly
When one is under the fear of anything, one should remember that there are 7.6 billion people on this planet, and few and more have common similar challenges. One should start helping others who have or are facing similar issues. As one embarks on this journey, one learns to combat not only his or her own fears but pulls several others out of their fears, making them stronger as well.
As humans one has a dim yet deep desire to impact life beyond one self, if one uses one's fears to accomplish this, one will be revered for generations.
